I feel like a whole lot of things has left me questioning a whole lot of things lately. why do things happen? why don’t they? what would happen if some things happened? would anyone care? would it matter? of course they would.

Death. why does that happen? why does it happen to good people? why, when people get sick, do they not take care of themselves? do they want to die? do they think they’re invincible? do they think it doesn’t matter?

Love. why do people love? I don’t mean like “love ya girl, see ya later!”. I mean that “can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over- the-fence, World Series kind of stuff” - to borrow a line… why would anyone want to open themselves up to that kind of.. pain, if it ever were to fall through?

Loss. not death. but “loss”… how can people brush themselves off and continue on as if nothing happened? and if we are talking about “loss” in the sense of “death” what the hell does that even mean? to borrow another line - “they said I lost the baby. ‘lost it’. like it was my keys or somethin. isn’t that the stupidest damn thing you’ve ever heard?”

Now I’m just rambling. I tend to do that when I’m in these moods. how am I supposed to react? I’ve just heard news that nobody wants to hear. nobody wants a friend to even hear. no, I haven’t had a recent “loss in the family” or whatever… but damn. how am I supposed to react? I’ve been knocked right off my high horse. I’ll tell you that much. you. as if I’m writing to my millions of adoring fans. what am I even talking about?

I guess I’m just trying to say a lot of things have been put into check. into a new perspective. what if somebody you loved with your whole entire heart. your whole freakin heart gave you something. something that they wouldn’t trust anybody else with… would you keep it safe for them? yes. yes you would. what if suddenly the love of your life was taken from you? forever. what if they left you? what if it wasn’t their fault? what if they had to move…. what if they died? would you hold onto that gift til the end of time? yes you would.

What if what they gave you, what they wouldn’t trust anybody else with, was a child? now what if you were “too young” to have a child. what if you were only 15 or 16. does that change things? to have a little someone to carry on everything you’ve ever loved… whether they did die, or move, or if they just walked. what if they found out & just left you lying there heartbroken? it seems like something I would want if I were ever in that situation. but now that you have all of society staring down at you, judging your every move, do you kill that child? is it so engrained into your brain that it’s an automatic response to do so?

Damn, now what do my millions of adoring fans think of me? does that change your opinion about me? as a person? my morals? am I stupid? am I “not really in love”? am I too young to understand? am I “throwing my life away”? am I a monster? am I vapid for letting society control something so important? am I a victim for letting society control something so important?

Or are you the problem? are you too judgmental? are you too old-fashioned? are you better than me? are you “more educated” than me? are you putting too much pressure on me?

Maybe. what if it’s actually none of your fucking business what I chose to do with my body in a situation like that? what if it’s actually none of your concern what circumstances and life experiences that led me there?

Enough with the questions. here are some answers. it wouldn’t be your business. it would be mine. it would be MY decision and if circumstances permit, the only person that I would allow to have any sway over that decision would be the man that got me there. but the fact of the matter is, it is ultimately, my decision. there is no debate. it doesn’t matter what YOU or the rest of society has to say about it. and you would probably get a lot more rest at night if you just quit worrying about it.

Another fact of this matter is. I’m not 15. I’m not pregnant; nor was I recently pregnant and had to make a decision regarding that pregnancy. However, I have seen a lot of shit this month and received a lot of terrible news, and believe me, it has put some things into perspective. I admit, I had my views on teen pregnancy in the past, but the FACT of that MATTER is… I’ve never been a pregnant teen. I’ve never been a pregnant adult either. So to sit there and make judgements based on their decisions to keep/not keep their children whether they are young or of age is completely out of line. I was never one to harshly judge a woman for deciding to keep her child if she was young, but I did have the opinion that it wasn’t a good idea for schooling, money, career reasons etc.

But I am PROUD to say that I am completely impartial to the matter now. Every single woman who has discovered they’re pregnant has arrived there on different circumstances. Therefore, every woman has the right to deal with that news in the way that they see fit.

If you have a problem with that, I think you should just take a page outta my book and just…. not. You should just NOT have a problem with it because frankly, it’s not your “problem”. That pregnant woman is probably not going to judge you for not getting pregnant, she deserves the same respect. Teen mothers, adult mothers, all mothers that are willing to put in the effort and care that it takes to raise a child deserve some respect. Not every mom can afford to dress their toddler in the latest Gucci threads. Is that a problem? NO. As far as I’m concerned, as long as that baby has some clean clothes for each day, clean diapers, food, and LOVE (maybe a couple of cool colourful thingies to play with) that mother is doing a hell of a lot better job raising her child than the kid in Gucci, dumped on a nanny every hour of every day. No disrespect to nannies, of course.

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you came from, or how old you are, if a mother is willing to give her baby love day in and day out, she deserves respect. And it is about time society gets the traditional stick out of their butt and realise that. Nobody cares if a man and woman live in a house together before marriage and that was a no-no back in the day. So let’s cool it with the double standards we have going on. We have sympathy for “single mothers” but look down upon “teen single mothers” when we shove sex in the media down kids throats as soon as they pop out of the womb. Alright? Enough.

I’ll never elaborate as to why I began this little rant. I also am not comfortable sharing the news and experiences that have led me to this new found perspective… on more than just this topic. I honestly had no idea this was going to turn into a pregnancy rant. but hey, that’s why I rant on tumblr… because let’s face it, lol, I know not many people are actually going to read this.

when you’re talking to somebody & all you can think is ” please say I love you, please say I love you, please say I love you, please say I love you”…and then they don’t.

and then they do.